Today is Friday morning and I really didn't get the kind of sleep I was expecting on my first day in my new bed. I think it had something to do with the millions of people that made their way over to visit us on yesterday. I appreciate all of the love and support from our family and friends, but I'm just not used to having people over. I used to think that it would be kind of fun having parties and barbeques and inviting lots of people to come over the house. But now I realize that I'm just not that type of person. I'm not the extravert I thought I was.
It has been so very difficult trying to deal with my emotions at this moment. I am happy that the funeral is tomorrow so that I can have a chance to sleep and take care of my children. Right now it's a bit overwhelming. I think there will be more people visiting later today and again tomorrow before and after the service, but I sure hope that they don't stay too long. On yesterday I don't think that I've ever talked to so many people, about random stuff before in my life. Being a host is not my cup of tea. I do however, like the fact that I am capable of talking to people and I am willing to meet and make new friends. A couple of guys from the dance studio came over and we had a good conversation. It's refreshing to see people willing to help and seem to be sincere. It one thing to say in a text message to call me if you need something, it's another thing to come over and look me in the eye and say I'll come over and cut your grass next week if you want me to. Making new friends hasn't always been easy for me in the past because of trust issues, but I pray that the Lord will deliver me from that spirit allow for new friends to come into my life.
Later today I am going to visit the funeral home and see her body before the funeral. I think they need me to make the call on what color lipstick she should where and things like that. I'm a bit apprehensive, because I know that it's not her that I will be looking at, just her body. But I know that it is all part of the process and so I have to continue to take care of the business at hand.
Next week I'll start mailing out notices to all credit card companies, medical services, and all other things that was in my wife's name. I haven't figured out whether or not I can still afford to keep the house. Hopefully I can because I like to keep my kids in the same community, school, church, and after school activities. For now, I going to take it one day at a time and I am not going to worry about the things of tomorrow. I will continue to allow for Jesus to lead me and guide my life.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6
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